Life as a New Mama + My First (ok, my *insert a number higher than five*) Breakdown

“Motherhood is a great honor and privilege, yet it is also synonymous with servanthood. Every day women are called upon to selflessly meet the needs of their famalies. Whether they are awake at night nursing a baby […] or preparing meals, moms continuously put others before themselves” 
Charles Stanley

The months since Owen’s birth have been a whirlwind of weeks in the new-mom haze, days of realizing I needed a social life again, moments of feeling completely socially awkward as I "reentered into society", and now the roller coaster between days of "I'm so sleep deprived, where's my Ningxia Red and a coffee??", and days of feeling like the adventurous, ready-to-take-on-the-day mama I wish to be. 

My mind often wanders back to a singular moment of his birth.  Every night when I rock him to sleep and he cranes his little neck up to see me, I remember the the way he did that the very first time they laid him on my chest. Those huge blue eyes staring up at me. 

I’ve heard a few people say babies really don’t have much of a personality until they’re at least two; but Owen already has a personality to me! He’s super social (no surprise there), he rarely cries when there’s something or someone new to smile at, he’s energetic and adventurous, he’s ambitious, always trying to go somewhere even though he can’t walk yet and pushing out four teeth like it's no big thing, and of course, as his mom, I think he’s the sweetest imaginable!

My experience as a new mom

Bottom line is, even on the most of sleep deprived days, I love being his mom. There's nothing more I'd rather do. I know every mom’s experience is different; for some, if they don’t have the support system they need or other life pressures are happening simultaneously, or goodness, even if nothing else is happening but raising a new little human, new mamahood can bring its fair share of tears!

I remember one of my first breaking points.

I had been up with Owen most of the morning and between feeding and changing and crying, I hadn’t had one minute to spend on myself.

In walks poor, unknowing, Aaron.

“Will you be ready to go for 12:30?” (We had big Independence Day road trip plans)

Me, through big, sobbing and slightly angry tears “Nooooooo” *insert flopping on the bed for dramatic effect* and then the rush of explanation “I haven’t had a minute for myself and there’s no way in the world I’ll be ready to have us leaving in thirty minutes, and I just need to cry, I just need a minute to cry, because I don’t even care about this parade anyway”

And as I look up, for no reason other than the hilarity of my breakdown Owen starts giggling. Like the kind of giggling I hadn’t heard before. And that’s all it took. I started laughing too. Apparently my new mama crisis was funny to him and suddenly I started to find it pretty funny too.

New motherhood is this crazy roller coaster of difficult, stretching, beautiful and unexplainably gorgeous moments. Let's do our best to soak each moment in; cause I'm starting to believe them when they say, we'll blink and they won't be so little anymore.

 

 

 

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